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Vamped: A Novel, by David Sosnowski
Download PDF Vamped: A Novel, by David Sosnowski
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So this vampire walks into a bar . . . Yes, it sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but it's just another night in the never-ending life of Marty Kowalski. With his trademark slogan - "There's a sucker born every minute" - this blood-drinking bachelor has managed to talk half the mortal world into joining the graveyard shift. Now vampires outnumber humans, and Marty is so bored he could die - again. With modern conveniences like synthetic blood and Mr. Plasma machines, the thrill of the hunt is gone. Especially for Marty, who's starting to wonder if he should just settle down, maybe start a family. Hey, it could happen. But is this confirmed nightcrawler fully prepared to adopt - and raise - a human of his own?
- Sales Rank: #3019793 in Books
- Published on: 2005-10-04
- Released on: 2005-10-04
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x 1.10" w x 5.31" l, .73 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 384 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Set in an alternate world where vampires are in charge and humans nearly extinct, Sosnowski's (Rapture) mildly diverting novel will appeal more to mainstream readers than horror aficionados. Undead Martin Kowalski, killing time at strip clubs and surviving, like all vampires, off blood derived from stem cells, is considering suicide when he encounters a six-year-old human girl, Isuzu Trooper Cassidy. She and her recently killed mother were escapees from a hunting preserve. Unwilling to vamp her (child vampires, aka "screamers," tend to be disturbed individuals), Martin opts instead to provide a good home for the child until she attains adulthood. The author offers both distraction and food for thought, bestowing endless tidbits, inventive explanations and intriguing tangents (why vampires love laser tag; what's involved with air travel when it comes to an all-vampire passenger list and crew) as he fleshes out an otherwise simple, straightforward narrative. Most of the work's broader concepts, unfortunately, are in the hidebound, daylight-avoiding tradition. While it's nice to find out fun facts such as when vampire lunchtime takes place (midnight), the plot is pretty unlikely even in context and the characters essentially one-dimensional. The field of vampire fiction is well-trodden ground, and Sosnowski's tracks leave little lasting impression.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
In the 100-odd years since Martin Kowalski became a vampire during World War II, vampires have become the majority of the world's population, in part because of Martin's own efforts to help depressed and dying people by turning them into vampires. Now, regular humans are so rare that most are raised on farms. Martin doesn't have much going for him until the day he discovers six-year-old Isuzu Trooper Cassidy fleeing the vampires who killed her mother. Martin takes her in, at first intending that she be a delightful snack. But the little girl quickly grows on him, and he finds himself longing for her laughter more than her blood. As he grows into the role of unlikely parent, his worries increase exponentially. What if bloodthirsty neighbors discover he is harboring Isuzu? What if she gets sick? And what happens when she grows up and falls in love . . . with a vampire? Sosnowski's easy mixture of warmth and humor makes for a winning, original tale about love in the unlikeliest of worlds. Kristine Huntley
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Review
"Wholly original."
-- The Washington Post
"This darkly comic tale...provides intriguingly offbeat insights."
-- Entertainment Weekly
"One of the more inventive novels of the year...hilarous."
-- Dallas Morning News
"Smart and funny."
-- Hollywood Reporter
"Unexpected and delightful."
-- U.S. News & World Report
"Charmingly eccentric."
-- Detroit Free Press
"Gleefully wicked...a giddy page-turner."
-- Time Out New York
"Rich imagination."
-- The New York Times Book Review
"Quirky vampire details."
-- People
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Hilarious and strange
By Mark Kawakami
Just like he did in "Rapture", David Sosnowski shows that he has an eye for the hilarious details that make absurd situations seem mundane. This novel actually bears a lot in common with "Rapture": The protagonist is an alienated citizen living in a world he helped create, who rediscovers his humanity by connecting with someone equally isolated. But this time, it's vampires, and they've taken over the planet.
So, yeah, "Vamped" made me laugh a lot. And there were sections that were genuinely moving. But still, it could have been a little better. Things go a little too easy for Martin and Isuzu (the main characters) at very convenient times. And, frankly, I wonder if Martin has really learned what he's supposed to by the end.
Still, the book is HIGHLY original and extremely funny. I waited years for David Sosnowski to finally get to follow up "Rapture", and I wasn't disappointed.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Fantastic novel, and a fresh look at the genre
By K Orion Fray
I will admit: I did not buy this book for myself. It was given to me as a Christmas present by a good friend of mine, who knows my sense of humor and my love of vampires, no matter how saturated the market is. So when VAMPED showed up in my brand new Kindle as a gift from her, I was wary—but willing to trust my friend. She knew me, knew what I liked in vampires, knew the basics. I’d trust her judgment.
And was I ever right to.
VAMPED takes the “vampires and humans live together now!” concept and turns it on its head: vampires are the dominant race now. Humans are few and far between, and those who survive are hunted mercilessly. Anything that humans use which vampires have no use for (for example, Lucky Charms) are considered collectables and will go for very high prices on Ebay. Marty Kowalski is our illustrious narrator, one of the movers-and-shakers behind the vampiric race being what it is today and a war veteran from back in the days when we still gave wars numbers. And after this many years of immortal life, it’s started to lose its sheen.
Enter the mortal: Isuzu Trooper Cassidy. (Yes, that’s a little girl, not a car, despite the sharing a name.)
The book walks through the absolutely hysterical tale of Marty desperately trying to raise this small mortal girl he’s become somewhat inexplicably attached to, in a world where being mortal is a flaw, not a feature. We watch Isuzu get older, come to terms with the manner in which she’s been taken in my Marty, and slowly but surely see a relationship begin to grow between them. What that is changes throughout the book, and it’s so in-depth and interesting that I’m going to keep quiet about it in fear of spoiling some of the magic.
Marty’s sense of humor is everything I love about these books. He’s fed up with his world, his life, everything—and it shows in the way he deals with the world. He’s sarcastic, he breaks the fourth wall, he lives in a perpetual state of pseudo-anachronism. Every other page convinced me that he needed to somehow meet the main character of my manuscript and be best friends. (They’d get along so well.) But under the rough exterior he tries to keep up, we get a chance to see beneath it, to see the man he once was and wishes he could somehow be again. We see the heart that used to beat in his chest, we see the love he still clings to. We see his humanity through that which he wishes he could do, and that which he does instead. It’s a fascinating balance, all delivered in a snark that would make anyone proud.
My one “issue” with the book, and what got me hung up on whether to give this book a 4 or 5 star rating, was the ending. There’s a lot riding up to the end, a lot of hype as it were, and at the end it feels like it all just got dropped. I felt cheated out of something, though I couldn’t tell you what. For a while it bothered me, and I was going to give it 4 stars, when I really went back and looked at the last chapter or so and realized: I’m not alone in that feeling. Marty feels that way too. All of this was building for him as well, and it didn’t quite turn out the way he wanted. And because of his role in this whole story, I think that’s the way it should have ended. It’s a parental kind of novel, and parents often don’t get everything they want for their child. It all ends for the best, if not the way Marty was hoping. And that’s okay. I’d rather the ending feel realistic than perfect.
All in all, a wonderful book. I’d definitely recommend picking it up, and I’m likely to go hunting for something else this author’s written as well.
19 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
Blood and satire
By Wayne Klein
David Sosnowski's VAMPED takes a twisted view of the vampire novel. What if humanity were an endangered species on a world where everyone has been turned into vampires? What sort of world would the vampires make? Ironically enough, it's not all that different from ours. Marty one of the vampires that "flipped" the world by systematically recruiting more and more mortals into the world of the undead lives in a world where everyone works the graveyard shift. Strip clubs are still popular and the most popular drink is, well, blood on tap.
One night a little mortal girl named Isuzu escapes from a farm where they breed humans illegally for the black market. She and her mother have been hiding out in the woods. Marty discovers Isuzu alone and scared. His world has turned into one of sweet ennui. He decides what he's really missing is the thrill of the hunt of the kill. But something changes his mind and instead of killing the little girl, he adopts her. Not an easy thing to do when your neighbors would want to rip out her little throat if they discovered her. Suddenly, Marty gets thrust into the world of parenthood and must deal with all the issues of a father...that and being undead.
Well written with wit and more than a touch of satire and darkness, Sosnowski's novel takes the premise of Richard Matheson's THE LAST MAN ON EARTH, twists it and turns it inside out combining it with a touch of Anne Rice and Stoker to create a well thought out comic look at our world as seen through the eyes of the undead. Sosnowski deals with a number of uncomfortable themes in the book once removed because it isn't our world at all but a parallel Earth where vampires rule the world and even have their own vamped pets.
This novel isn't for everyone. Someone expecting INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE or DRACULA will be disappointed. If you're adventureous enough to try something new with a touch of dark comic wit, VAMPED may be for you. I wasn't all that pleased with the conclusion but it was the only logical way for the story to go. Still, I had hoped that Sosnowski might be able to pull off something a bit more radical at the conclusion. That small flaw aside, VAMPED entertains, provides a bit of thoughtful discussion and enough one liners to keep you chuckling. Overall, a very successful novel and quite fun to read as well. Now let's hope they don't turn this into a movie and screw it up for everyone or, if they do, that they get witty writer (Buck Henry or someone like him) and director (Guillermo Del Toro would do a fine job).
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