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A Private Family Matter: A Memoir, by Victor Rivas Rivers
PDF Ebook A Private Family Matter: A Memoir, by Victor Rivas Rivers
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The heart-breaking, yet powerfully uplifting story of a family in crisis, and how one man rises from the shadow of a violent, brutal father to become a shining example of transcendance.
This is a story about how I was saved by love, at a time when most people considered me beyond rescue.
So begins Victor Rivas Rivers in this powerful chronicle of his escape from the war zone of domestic violence—too often regarded as a “private family matter”—and his journey toward independence, recovery, and renewal.
In A Private Family Matter, Victor recalls his days as an angry youth living under the rule and wrath of his father. A Cuban immigrant, Victor's dad was nicknamed El Ciclón for his tempestuous temperament, which led him not only to beat his wife but to abuse—and eventually kidnap—his own children. How Victor managed to seek help for his family and criminal punishment for his father, overcome his demons and learn to love himself, and share his experience with other victims and survivors of domestic abuse is at the heart of this profound and affecting memoir.
- Sales Rank: #1007938 in Books
- Published on: 2006-04-11
- Released on: 2006-04-11
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.44" h x 1.20" w x 5.50" l, .84 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 384 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Rivers's childhood toy, a broken GI Joe action figure, spoke only one phrase: "I've got a tough assignment." The author, an advocate against domestic violence, took on this motto early in life to help himself endure the "war zone" of his upbringing. His story starts in Cuba, where his mother's "gift of sight" didn't help her see through the seductive elegance of Tony Rivas, nephew of Batista's minister of agriculture. As Rivers tells it, his mother's natural radiance was soon beaten down by her demanding, jealous and moody husband. The family moved to Chicago to escape Castro, yet young Victor could not escape his father, who began beating him when he was only 15 months old. An imaginative child, Rivers steeled himself against brutal whippings by emulating tigers, "tensed and ready to pounce or flee at all times." By the time Rivers was 15, he fought back, throwing Rivas to the floor. But when the older man returned with a knife and, experiencing deep feelings of guilt, yelled, "Kill me!" Rivers ran away. Helped by a series of "angels"—a schoolmate's lawyer father, supportive teachers and coaches, a family that informally adopted him, and his own brothers—Rivers overcame his rage and self-loathing. He tells this inspiring story of emergence from isolation and despair into love and community with passion, optimism and tenderness. Photos.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
Like Jeannette Walls in The Glass Castle [BKL F 1 05], Rivers unfolds a story of a difficult childhood, but his was one of horrific physical abuse at the hands of a violent, controlling parent. Writing with an extraordinary memory for situation and detail, and even some self-deprecating humor, Rivers, now an actor and national spokesperson for the National Network to End Domestic Violence, reconstructs the childhood hell that he endured until, thanks to a concerned coach, a kind teacher, and a series of informal foster parents, he escaped as a teen. The many vivid descriptions of abuse are grueling to read, but they are nicely balanced by Rivers' hard-won successes in later life (including a short stint in professional football) as he struggled to overcome his vicious temper and fear of emotional commitment, both legacies from his father. His determination to speak out to help others who have endured similar trials caps an inspiring record of a life reclaimed. Stephanie Zvirin
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Review
"An inspiring story of emergence from isolation and despair into love and community with passion, optimism, and tenderness." -- Publishers Weekly
"A story filled with integrity, courage, and humanity -- all the things that exemplify Mr. Rivers." -- Andy Garcia
"Victor's contribution to the movement to end domestic violence is unparalleled. . . . He serves as a role model for men and a ray of hope for all victims of abuse." -- Lynn Rosenthal, Executive Director, National Network to End Domestic Violence
"A document of [Rivers's] soul's triumph over cruelty." -- Eve Ensler
Most helpful customer reviews
26 of 26 people found the following review helpful.
With Grace And Courage
By J. Adler
I have the utmost respect and love for Mr. Rivers and his family. It was traumatic to read this book, but I would not give back a moment shared. Sadly, many of us know the debilitating effects of both physical and verbal abuse. We spend a lifetime, with varying degrees of success, juxtaposing the violence of our youth, and the shaming of our souls by those who should unconditionally protect and love us, against the reclaiming of our lost innocence, determination and optimism. Our hearts and souls deserve so much more. To have endured such extreme abuse, and to have fought with so much heart to overcome the systemic indifference of the police, school administators and others who never asked why Victor was so reactive, to have endured long enough to let the angels over ride the evil and negligence, is a testament to Victor's courage, heart and spirit.
This book is amazing not only for it's vulnerability and pain, but also for it's willingness to reveal the depths of darkness so that others in need might have heroes and hope.
I don't think I ever cried so hard while reading a book, but I could not turn away. I was riveted to the page. Thank you to Victor, Mim and Eli for all of your courage and love. READ THIS BOOK! And while you are at it, read Mim Eichler Rivas' BEAUTIFUL JIM KEY. What a family. So much kindness, patience, talent and generosity of spirit.
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
A Monster And His Handsome, Talented, Nurturing Son
By Kevin Killian
A PRIVATE FAMILY MATTER takes up the story of one of Hollywood's leading actors, whom you have seen in so many TV shows and movies, and strips off the surface to reveal that behind the handsome mask he wears, a nightmare of terror and horror will forever haunt Victor Rivas, as the demons that have haunted him since childhood keep whistling through his mind like witches on broomsticks. He never has had a day without reliving the traumas of his difficult youth, particularly standing in the shadow of an abusive Dad, whose beatings he endured on a regular basis. Sometimes the father seems so wound up he's unreal, but through the eyes of a child, evil often wears a human face, and all too often, as Mr. Rivas demonstrates, that evil is in the father.
I liked all the Cuban stuff, an area I know little about. The family left Cuba when Castro came to power, because his father's family occupied important positions in the cabinet of the corrupt dictator Bautista (still fondly remembered, it seems, by many anti-Communist Cuban Americans). When you read A PRIVATE FAMILY MATTER perhaps you, like I, flashed back to the great novel by Reinaldo Arenas, BEFORE NIGHT FALLS, with its odd mixture of a longing for indigenous culture and a fleeing from its misogynist and anti-child aspects. The smells and sounds come out at you in waves of sensuous description.
Most of all, however, you feel the boy's pain. His father was truly a monster, and his mother was completely cowed by what amounts to the abuse he meted out to whoever got in the way of his anger and machismo. Beyond that, Victor reveals what it took to get him to become a productive adult. There had to be a lot of repair work done on this man. Next time you see him in the movies, think of how much his acting talent comes from the resources it took for him to find the light in a dark world of abuse. And now he helps others who have suffered some of the same syndromic abuse. Highly recommended.
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
Amazing, powerful, inspiring story
By R Candlewood
This is one of the most powerful books I've ever read. At first you react with shock, then disbelief, tears, and finally joy as you ride with Victor on his incredible journey. The story is unbelievably compelling - I couldn't put the book down, though some events were so difficult to read about, I wanted to. Victor's father is more than a match for any terrible fathers in past books -- THE GREAT SANTINI, for instance. But what's really amazing, and really moving, is how Victor triumphed over the odds, with the help of his "angels," to become not only a good kid but the school's valedictorian and eventually a good father.
It's also great that there this is a lot of information at the end of the book in how to get help if you need it or how to become involved in the movement if you feel so inspired - and after reading this incredibly powerful book, you will.
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