Download PDF Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship
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Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship
Download PDF Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship
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Harville Hendrix has illuminated the paths to loving, long-lasting relationships in his New York Times bestsellers Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find. Now, with coauthor and wife Helen LaKelly Hunt, he brings us to a new understanding about one of the most complicated issues facing couples today:
Receiving Love
Many men and women know how to give love, but many more undermine their relationships by never having learned how to accept it. We don't always realize the ways in which we reject appreciation and affection, help and guidance from our romantic partners. And, according to Hendrix and Hunt, until we are able to understand the meaning behind our behavior, our relationships stand to suffer. Ask yourself:
Are you reluctant to tell your partner what you really want or need?
When you do get what you've asked for, do you still feel dissatisfied?
Is it difficult for you to accept kind gestures, gifts, or compliments from your partner?
If you answered yes to any of the above, this book is for you. With Receiving Love, you can learn how to break the shackles of self-rejection -- which likely began in childhood, when our caretakers unintentionally failed to nurture us -- and embrace real intimacy. Drawing on their renowned expertise, the wide clinical experience of Imago therapists, and their own personal experience as a married couple, the authors offer detailed, sensitive advice on how to turn a relationship between two well-meaning yet misunderstood individuals into a true, everlasting partnership.
- Sales Rank: #88074 in Books
- Brand: Hendrix, Harville/ Hunt, Helen Lakelly
- Published on: 2005-10-04
- Released on: 2005-10-04
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.44" h x .80" w x 5.50" l, .65 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 320 pages
From Publishers Weekly
In an intelligent and insightful volume, Hendrix and Hunt, cocreators of Imago Relationship Therapy and coauthors of Getting the Love You Want, share their solution to a common relationship problem: the difficulty of accepting love, expressed by, for example, criticizing a gift from one's partner or spurning an intimate gesture. The authors, husband and wife, begin by talking painfully about how their own marriage nearly ended because Harville, despite obvious evidence to the contrary, didn't feel loved by his wife. As the authors note, there are many ways "to defend yourself against someone else's desire to encourage, help, or love you," whether because you overvalue your partner and feel unworthy of his or her love, or because you devalue that partner and see him or her as unworthy of giving love. The authors instruct readers to examine their childhood dynamics for unconscious influences on their view of relationships, such as uncomfortable feelings of self-rejection. And taking a page from Martin Buber, they also focus on what is "between" the I and Thou in a relationship, "the sacred space between two individuals" that can unite them or serve as a "dumping ground" for anger. These complicated concepts become clear as illustrated through in-depth looks at three heterosexual and same-sex couples. And through their Imago dialoguing technique, the authors also provide concrete steps to learn how to have a truly empathetic conversation that gets beneath the surface of a couple's problems. With this wise and sophisticated book, readers can learn to receive love and, in doing so, "reclaim [their] own desires, dreams and abilities."
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
"Intelligent and insightful...wise and sophisticated."
-- Publishers Weekly (starred review)
About the Author
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., a clinical pastoral counselor and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, has more than thirty-five years' experience as an educator, public lecturer, and couples' therapist.
Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. used her education in psychology to help develop the Imago process as well as to support gender equity -- for which she was inducted into the National Women's Hall of Fame. She is in great demand as a public speaker.
Most helpful customer reviews
45 of 46 people found the following review helpful.
A Transforming Book
By reading guy
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a childhood that was unstable, neglectful or abusive or who is in a relationship with a person with an unstable childhood. This book provides concrete strategies for overcoming the unconscious sabotaging that frequently results from such backgrounds.
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I finished this book feeling a great sense of sadness because it explained so clearly why my last relationship - with the love of my life - failed. The hope of the book is that it gives communication techniques for creating emotional intimacy in a relationship.
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The book's premise is that many people are blind to the fact that they create barriers towards receiving love. I had never thought of this before but can apply it directly to my own life: I never thought that I deserved to be happy or to be loved. Similarly, in my last relationship I did everything possible to reach out to my girlfriend and open myself up emotionally to her, but the more I reached out, the more she shut down; I see now that she was simply refusing to accept love and had a block towards emotional intimacy, empathy and compassion because she carries so much unresolved baggage.
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This book explains in great detail the reasons for this self-sabotaging behavior, most often directly tied to childhood abuse and neglect. It provides many case studies on relationships showing how subtle, insidious and destructive the behavior pattern of refusing to receive love is.
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Most importantly, the book gives a very thoughtful, positive and counter-intuitive strategy to allow oneself to begin receiving love.
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I am so sad for what has been lost in my life, but this book provides hope for the future.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By Dr. Mark Richardson
Excellent
15 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
Not Quite What I Expected
By Ginger Smith
Receiving Love Book Review
I was kind of disappointed in this book. I felt like it was more of an advertisement for the Imago Relationship Therapy techniques that the authors teach than it was on how to open yourself up to receiving love.
The bulk of the book was about three married couples who had to transform their "separate" beings into "connected" beings in order to build a more solid relationship full of trust, understanding, and open communication.
Many of the concepts were not new to me: Couples working on increasing communication by mirroring, validating, and empathizing; I learned about these techniques a long time ago and have used them in almost all of my relationships. The latter, empathizing, was instrumental in my last relationship, especially because communication was sparse.
What I did learn about receiving love is that it is difficult for some people to receive love or gifts because it reminds them of the things that they gave up as children or young adults because they were chastised or had a bad experience with it at the time. Receiving love or gifts recreates that hurtful experience all over again and it can remind them of what they don't have. Also, many people feel like they don't deserve the love or the gift.
Another thing I learned is that the things we criticize our partners the most about are those things that we dislike in ourselves or things that are missing in our lives or that we set aside (probably from a traumatic experience as explained above). For example, I felt that my last partner was overly critical of me and the things I did, but now I've realized that I am the same way with others: I am very picky, I have high expectations of a partner and I like things done a certain way.
The one story that was shared in the book that I found most valuable was from a guy who's relationship did not last. After his relationship ended, he took the 3 things he liked most about his partner, which he felt had been missing from his life, and he brought them back into his life. He started dancing again, opened his art studio back up again, and took an impromptu trip to another country. In essence, he gave himself these "gifts" and he accepted them as such.
The last part of the book talks about the exercises that you can do to better receive love and gifts. They tie in both the separate and connected selfs.
I started this book while I was still in a relationship...sort of. I kept reading it even though I was no longer in a relationship. Although I have no relationship to apply it to at this time, I can use it to reevaluate my past relationship and use it as a tool for maintaining a successful next relationship - whether that is with another partner or with myself.
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